New Life

Two years ago today Natalie was almost exactly 1 month from her first Birthday and I was 11 and half weeks pregnant. I woke up that morning and new something was amiss and called my midwife. She wanted to see me right away but first wanted a sonogram at her other office. So we loaded up and went in. I looked at the sonogram machine and knew instantly that the baby I was carrying was no moving and it was not good. The doctor that was at that office came in and confirmed what we already knew. The baby had stopped growing at about 9 weeks. This new life I had thought was inside me was gone. About 5 months later we found out that we were expecting again and last June we brought a healthy baby home!

As many women that have suffered a miscarriage will tell you, this is such a silent grief. No funeral, no public mourning your loss. How does one grief the loss of a child they never knew, never held, never touched their sweet face? Then, what do you do 2 years later? Virtually no one remembers the first anniversary much less the second one. But most moms do, but how are you supposed to respond to the second anniversary of such a loss? This is such a perplexing question. Sadly most women don't even really talk about it. I mean, most people really don't know what to say to a woman that has just suffered a miscarriage, if anything is said at all, often people retort a cliché that seems somehow to trivialize the situation..."this is for the best" or "what if something were wrong" or "you can have another"

Okay so onto my real point of this whole rambling thought... Here's what I like to do with my anniversary of this day. I like to take some time to ponder this child, remember how joyous I was when I saw those 2 pink lines, how creatively I painted a "I'm the big sister" shirt for Natalie and put it on her for her dad to find. Then I like to think about where God has brought me since, and what amazing things he has done. Today this anniversary fell on Easter. What a great day to have such an anniversary. I lost a child 2 years ago...but this is nothing compared to God sending His own son 2000 years ago. God send Jesus, to do the will of the Father...that we might have new life! I spent a few moments today reflecting on that pregnancy and then at our Easter gathering we celebrated new life. We had a baptism service. People declared they were dead to themselves and pledged their allegiance to Christ. "buried with Christ in his death, risen to walk in NEWNESS of LIFE"

To the child I lost 2 years ago today, that I never held, that I never felt your soft skin, that you never heard me sing sweet lullabys...I know you are beholding God's glory in heaven, and I will always love you and be your mommy. To my Savior who died 2000 years ago, I owe everything. For you lived the life I could not live and you died the death I could not die. Through your death and resurrection I have New Life!